Thursday, November 1, 2012

In which I rant on the misunderstanding of my simplicity.

What  kind of person is indifferent to spending  four days walking around Disney, riding rides, and seeing all the characters from the childhood movies we grew up with? Me. Yes, I actually could live without all that excitement. I am not saying it was a bad experience, no, not at all. I had a great time in Epcot. The roller-coasters were thrilling with the speed and the drops, and the water park was great too!

So why do I say I can live without all that? Because I also enjoy sitting at a beach looking for seashells or riding the waves. I could spend a day in the pool as long as I have company. Homemade dinners can be just as delicious as expensive dine out places. Would you trade joking around the table having a good time just being together for the stress that can be caused when you go to pay for your expensive dinner out? Hello, money doesn't satisfy. It just causes problems. Not saying going out is a bad thing, sure it can be endearing for special occasions.

Anyways, what really gets to me is when people make a big deal about me not caring whether or not we actually go to a certain theme park or restaurant  No, I am not trying to get an attitude, and I am sorry you interpreted my indifference as getting one, but it is really not any fun when you get upset over me. I will do whatever activities you planned, just don't be offended that I would just as soon jump in the pool.

I guess what I am trying to say is I am just as satisfied with simple pleasures as with extravagant pleasures. So, those of you who want to judge, keep it to yourself and don't get worked up over it. You are only going to make yourself be in a bad mood, which kills the fun for all of us.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

How fast can you read?

I came across this test today to see how fast you read. Unsurprisingly, I am slightly better than the average american, but slower than the average college student. I've always been a slow reader. Hopefully this link works and you can check out for yourself how many words you can read in a minute! 

Monday, January 2, 2012

random poem floating past my blog

One day you'll look into my eyes,
That'll be the moment you realize,
All of everything I've held inside;
What I've held in fear and pride.
This will be the day I let go,
You'll look in my eyes and know,
Maybe your eyes will glow,
As you come out of your shadow,
Or pass it off as a show,
Because for you it was never so.

Monday, November 14, 2011


Addictions. They come in a lot of different forms, but some are more harmful than others. Some are addicted to drugs, facebook, watching tv, or inflicting pain on themselves. I guess what they all have in common is that these addictions are mostly hurtful to the slave of them. Although, you cannot ignore the people around them that are also being affected. I guess one could argue that some addictions are good things, but, what makes them unhealthy idols, is that they become more important than honoring God.
I once was told that if you are addicted to something, it becomes your master. It replaces God. You can't be a slave to both your addiction and to him, so who are you going to choose? Most of the time, we humans want to live in the now. We act on how we feel now. Our emotions control us even when our brains say "NO! You must stop this addiction!" Thus, we choose the idol over God.
Addictions are not that easy to stop though. Sometimes we think, "Oh, God will forgive me so let me sin for a little while and I will stop eventually. Just let me get my fix for now." HAH. as if.
First, no it's not just going to be simple to stop. I struggle with my own personal addictions. I knew it was wrong, but didn't see it as an addiction until I compared myself to a friend who was addicted to something that seemed far more serious. At that point I realized that it is indeed an addiction. I also realized that if I was just told to stop it'd be really difficult.
Secondly, Romans 7:15-20 basically states that you, as a christian, hate your addiction, but your human body is still a slave to sin. This doesn't mean you can get comfortable, though. Romans chapter 6 talks about why we should not let sin (insert addiction here) take over our lives. If Christ has paid your debts, then through him, you receive his righteousness. Not so that you can "safely sin", but so that you can DEFEAT IT!
I would ask you now, look at your own personal addictions and consider how Christ could expel it from you. Even if you are not a christian, consider the fact that the one and only God is the one and only way to release yourself from addictions/idols/sins.

Ah. I had to get this off my mind since it's been bugging me pretty much the whole weekend. It is time for me to go to school now, but somehow I feel a little bit stronger for having made the connections between God's word and my life situations. Ciao!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

On The First Day Of Autumn (Part 2)

"Hey." I say shyly. I hold his gaze another moment and then look away. He looks away too and then back at me. I'm still wondering what prompted this painting so I continue. "Nice painting!" Of course, my voice comes out super squeeky this time.

"Thanks," he says and hesitates before stumbling over an explanation the picture, "It isn't wh-what you think, I was in the park searching for... a scene to enter into this contest." He's stumbling over words. I'm not totally convinced that that is his only reason for painting this picture, or for being in the park that afternoon. I am not going to make a big deal out of it, though.

"Yeah, I figured as much." I reply nonchalantly. We both stand there awkwardly for another minute. He starts looking around and I can tell he is slightly confused at the frozen world. We're the only two people moving at all even though everyone else is alive. So I suppose I'll explain it to him. "It's called a wish come true in case you were wondering."

"So you wished that everyone.. no, everyTHING besides us would be frozen?" he pauses "Then why me?"

"I didn't exactly plan it this way, it just happened. I dunno, like it was supposed to or something." I can tell he doesn't totally believe me, but I don't blame him since I did leave out the little part of purposely not picking someone else even though I could have. "Want to come explore this exciting world with me?" I say it half doubting that he would come, but also hoping that whatever made him paint that picture would encourage him to keep me company this autumn day. He glances up at the picture again.

"I suppose there's not much else to do all by yourself in a frozen world. Yes, I'll keep you company." Either he's really being sarcastic or he's being super serious. I try not to glare at him for being so difficult. I'm pretty sure he noticed though. Oops. Oh well. We leave the gallery, returning to the contrasting, bright outdoors. A woman is frozen in place obviously in the middle of her morning run. A business man is stepping into to his black-tinted-windows, black-painted lexus.

"I bet he's a secret spy for Russia" my friend suggests. If only he knew what that would prompt in my mind.

"Let's find out!" I skip over to the frozen man, but slow down as I get closer. MAN is he FREAKY looking up close. The 'secret agent', (as I will mention him as from here on out), has a black goatee and a short black buzz-cut head. I reach toward his inside pocket for his ID card.

My companion isn't convinced this is the best idea ever. "This is totally safe," he says sarcastically, but he doesn't stop me. In fact, he just pulls closer to me. I guess that's in case he has to protect me from the secret agent in case I somehow mess things up and this guy wakes from his frozen state. I have a card in my hand now, so I look at it. It seems like normal for the most part, but then I see another secret pocket in his coat. I sure hope curiosity doesn't kill this girl.

There's another ID in it. Says something in another language which I can't read. My companion, who is very close now, looks over my shoulder. "No. Way."

"What?" I ask. He starts laughing but at the same time starts pulling me away. I go with it.

"Kedi Soyluyor. That's his real name apparently. Seems to be an ID for a Turkish secret agent. Who knew?" Only one thing scared me now, his other card, the american ID, was for the US government. Of course this is the moment where my companion asks me, "What did the other card say on it?"

"Nothing." I reply as I stand under a young tree rocking back and forth. This seems to make him more curious so I continue, "Just a US Government ID that said John Smith." I got the desired reaction. Score! We decide to keep on exploring and leave dealing with a possible security risk to the country for a later time. 

"Okay," I ask him, "I've already done a little exploring so, if you could go anywhere in the world you wanted right at this moment, where would you go? Within reason of course."

He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head while murmuring, "She probably has not changed since last time I saw her. No point in that..."

to be continued

Sunday, September 25, 2011

On The First Day Of Autumn.

I wish the world would just pause for one day. I'll be the only one still walking around. Maybe one other person if they somehow can convince me through their actions and speech that they're fit for good conversation and fellowship. I'll start at my computer but soon I depart on a journey. Let's say this person is not with me yet.

So, I go down my street. I see a man frozen in place just getting out of his car. He doesn't seem right to be my companion on my journey, so I hop into my car. As I get onto the nearby highway, I weave in and out of traffic, also frozen in place. I see a girl that I know a little bit, but I recall that her language is occasionally foul. I keep on going.

It's really a nice day. The clouds are frozen in place, but not in the way of the frozen sun which still warms my car on this cool autumn day. The highway comes along to a bustling city, frozen in its tracks. I get out of my car and start walking down a street lined with shops until one catches my attention. Inside of it is the most beautiful paintings on extremely dingy walls. It might be an art gallery I suppose. A sign is posted up that says: 'State-wide art contest winners'.I walk along this art gallery inspecting each picture as I glide past frozen people, but then an idea hits me. Instead of just studying the paintings, I look at the peoples faces around them.

One lady, maybe in her early thirties, is standing in front of a painting, wrinkles etched on her face as if she was twice her calendar age, but her face holds a slight smile. I turn and look at the painting she sees. It is of another woman, about the same age, holding an infant child who seems to be bubbly and healthy. Although the picture lady is about the same age as the real lady, not a bit of worry can be seen etched into the picture woman's face.  The worry lines and no child... the healthy skin with a healthy child... is there some connection? Might this hold the reason why the real woman seems so sad while she smiles ever so lightly?

I leave her there and continue on. I pass a frozen man staring at a picture of a family having a picnic on a bright day such as today. I cannot stand there much longer because the tear frozen on his cheek seems too complicated for me to understand. In this society, men usually do not cry, and ESPECIALLY not in public.

A child stands next to a mother holding hands. The woman is at eye level with her child pointing at the details of the picture. I glance up from them and see a familiar face. A close friend, whose conversation and presence is always a pleasurable experience, stands there, arms folded, with a very thoughtful look upon his face.

I can only wonder what he thinks, so I place myself next to him such that I can see what he is seeing. By first glance I just notice it's a portrait because my eyes immediately dart to the signature of the artist. "Wait." It sounds a bit awkward talking aloud to myself and I realize how silent everything is. not deadly silent, but I only hear noises as I choose to. "This painting... this young man.. he's the artist."

At this point I get very curious as to which piece of his artwork had won a place in the art gallery. I'm confused, amazed, shocked... The painting is titled 'A walk through the park' and shows a girl walking away down a bright leafy path with sunshine around, in a just-past-summer dress, her head turned around such that one can see the face. I look closer so as not to deceive myself, but it's still seems as if I am looking into a mirror. The details are so perfect it seems as if hours had been spent working on this project.

Memories flood back into my head. Last autumn we had passed by each other in a park and shared a few laughs. I hadn't seen him for the past year and this made me want to know even more how he was doing. What about that moment had stuck so well for him? He must have painted it straight from memory.

It's worth a shot I'm thinking. So I look into his eyes to see if I can read his thoughts. No, even here that does not work, but something in me decides that there is only one way to pull that person out of the frozen state and into my journey. I'm running out the door, across the street, and into a restaurant where I grab a pitcher of ice cold water. I trip over a foot and spill everything. Quickly I am up again and grab a new pitcher. Carefully, I bring it back, managing to avoid outstretched arms and legs. Back in the gallery I splash it over his head. He seems to wake with a start, his body starting to move as the droplets bead up and drip out of his almost-blond hair.

Ugh. Why do I never think ahead of my actions? Now we're standing here staring into each other's eyes both shocked and slightly embarrassed.......


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Can It Get Worse?

   My summer. I never would have guessed it would be so.. well different. I've gotta say it all started back in March over spring break.. No, let's go back a little farther. Winter of 2010 I became friends with my brother's girlfriend, Courtney. Great idea right? My brother doesn't think so. He was not really comitted to her so eventually they break up. Even then I am still friends with her. At this point, I'm not going to let my brother's bad relationships ruin a good friendship for me. So, the aforementioned girl and I get a job at the same place. Anyways, back to spring break. A week before our job starts, she and I decide to go on a road trip to Florida for spring break. Yet another splendid idea on our parts! Well it seems like a good idea at least. So we plan this trip.
   Meanwhile, I manage to get a tick bite on the back of my leg. I don't think too much of it and decide to keep an eye on the spot. Here I am thinking that things can't really get worse. You know, only so much can happen to one person in a summer right? Riiiight. Well the Saturday early morning comes and we drive down to Florida just as planned. We easily survive the twelve hour drive. First we stay with her family. They live about a ten minute drive from the ocean. Nice people, nice place, nice beach... you get it, it appears to be a fantastic vacation!
   No, things have to get worse. The second day that we went to the beach, Monday, I decide that I want a tan. Normally, in Maryland, I tan easily without a hitch. So I do something really stupid. I decide that I am going to get my tan by not wearing sunscreen for a little while, forgetting that Florida is MUCH closer to the equator; therefor, much easier to roast a northern child such as I. At first I do not realize that I am being burnt, so I continue to enjoy my time frolicking in the waves and collecting seashells with holes in them to make necklaces for my sisters. I have a wonderful time, let me tell you, BUT soon I come to realize that my back feels ever so slightly warm. A little too warm. I walk over to my friend, and she gasps! "LYDIA! What in the world did you do to your back?? You're as red as a lobster!" Immediately I grab the sunscreen and have her apply it to my back.
   The next day I am extremely uncomfortable. Actually, it lasts more than just that day. Despite the lobster burn on my back and front and.. okay pretty much everywhere that was exposed, we continue on to our next stop, Jordan's house. She has a pool so I get this great idea to jump in it since it was a chilly pool and I was burning up. It is only a temporary fix though. On a side note, I have to mention that Jordan said the water was heating up around me in her pool! Anyways, I use a ton of aloe all over my back, but still my skin is hot to the touch.
   That night I can barely sleep. I can't toss or turn over. There is only one position that I manage to fall asleep in without causing more pain to my burn. Here I am thinking Okay, things are pretty bad. Like first that tick bite and now this. The bite doesn't really bother me much anymore since the burn is worse and crowds my mind more. So now I have this really bad sunburn. Things can't really get much worse.. can they??
   After spending time with Jordan, we continue on to Tampa Bay to visit my Aunt, Uncle, and my cousin Vince. Our plans are to leave there Thursday or so after spending time with them. Well, I'm still suffering from my sunburn. Uncle Ralph is a navy medic or something like that so he's got this amazing sunburn relief kit. It works pretty well and I feel like I just might make it through the week alive afterall.. but plans have a way of changing.
   We decide to stay an extra day so that we can visit the Fort Desota beach and get to see my other cousins. Aunt Val told me these great stories about when she used to go looking for sanddollars at this particular beach. So a couple of us go searching all the sand banks.. to no avail. We walk the whole two miles up the beach. It really is fun, but we all start to wander at our own paces.
   So here I am, about 40 feet ahead of two of the cousins, on the way back to where my aunt has set up her chair. I'm still subconsciously looking for sanddollars cause I really really want to find at least one. I find a piece but that's it because soon after I take a wrong step. "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream as something gets hold of my big toe. At first I think it's a crab. At this point the sunburn is COMPLETELY gone to me. The pain in my toe overwhelms me so much that all I can do is limp for a minute and then sit down and whimper as I realize that my toe is bleeding, my aunt is up the beach AT LEAST a mile down, the other beach house is at least a quarter mile, and I have no clue what even got me.
   The two cousins nearby rush to me. One runs down the beach to tell my aunt. It seems to take forever. I think.. well try to think. Usually when you get a cut you raise your injury above the heart and apply pressure such that it stops bleeding. I do this. It seems to work but I am still in pain. It throbs. The rest of my leg starts to feel sore. I find out why later. Eventually, I decide to try to make it up to the beach house. The other cousin carries me piggy back style until I tell her to let me just limp for a little while and give her a break.
   Soon my aunt comes and I limp back to the beach house with her. It seems to take forever. A passerby comments that it may be a piece of glass, in which case I would have to reopen the injury to remove said glass pieces. Not cool. I really don't need that right now. By the time I get to the beach house I'm sorta freaking out. The girl inside calls the local rangers for me. She tells me that they said if it is a stingray then steaming hot water will work. I'm ready to try anything. The second I put my foot into that steaming bucket, the pain subsides and I am almost certain that it was a stingray which must have met me that afternoon in the water.
   Although I am relaxed finally, I am still anxious for the rangers to come and give a definite answer to what it was and how to continue to treat the injury. The blood flow from the toe has slowed down. The rangers get there. I double take.. THEY AREN'T OLD GUYS?? I guess it wasn't too bad an experience since the rangers stay and talk with me awhile. One is definitely Australian. The other guy is ripped. They tell me that if conditions get worse then I am to immediately go to a hospital to get any stingray barbs removed. I am slightly scared. Then Aunt Val comes back with the car and everything else she had left at the other end of the beach. The ripped guy carries me to the car... I had to grin when I saw Courtney's face. She's kinda like super attracted to any cute/hot guy.
   As before, the tick bite and sunburn no longer consume my mind. Now it is all about the injury from the stingray. Thankfully, it seems to have only been a baby stingray, and the water was cool which caused it to be slow; thus, the injury is not as bad as it could be. So I do get back home in time for training at my new job afterall.
   Now, fast forward about 3 months. I'm busy between my job and swim team and soccer games. The place where the stingray got me still feels lightly numb.  First I stub my same toe at a swim meet right before my race. I'm reminded of the pain. The next day, Sunday, I get together with about fifteen other people for a pick-up soccer game. It's going great! My team is winning pretty well. At some point we stop counting scores. I get close to the goal but have a deffender on me so I pass to my sister, Robin. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, I twist my right ankle badly. We all take a water break. I decide I still want to play, but only as defense. Eventually, I can put a little more pressure on my foot so I play up again. This time I trip over another player and roll over. Somehow I manage to injure my left ankle. It hurts a little but I have to stop playing since both ankles being injured is harder to deal with than just one injured.
   Some people leave. Matt from church shows up so we start World Cup. I sorta sit out. As in I play but only from a sitting position. Don't ask, it's hard to explain stupidity. The World Cup game ends but I sit in the goal area anyways to see if I can block goals at least with my arms. I get hit in the head a couple of times while not looking. My ankles temporarily feel better. Now, I've gone through all of that, things can't get worse.. can they??
   I dive for one ball but I miss. Someone else has good aim though. My leg flies into the air to keep balance as I lean over. Bad move. A ball flies from the shooting area and right into my right ankle! I curl up in pain. One of my friends piggy backs me to my car. I have a stick shift car so I trade cars with Courtney for an automatic. Not so bad on my ankle.
   I'm limping for the next 12 hours, but the next day I decide that I am good enough to go berry picking with my friend. Like things can't get worse once you've recovered from a stingray and you've sprained both ankles.. right??
Sometimes I wonder how so much can happen to one person...
   My ankles only slightly bother me as a pick raspberries with my friend Ashley. I mention my allergies to poison ivy. She mentions that she's never had it in her life. We both realize that we have no clue what it looks like, so we continue to pick berries. We clean off after two hours of picking berries. Both of us have scratches all over our limbs. Her arms seemed to have gotten the worst of it. By now, you can probably guess how wrong I am.
   Evening comes and I notice the scratches are still there. Still red. What is this?? I see a black-ish spot in the middle of one particularly larger bumpier red spot. It's not exactly itchy.. yet. Suddenly my ankles don't feel so bad, because it's the next morning and my legs are itching badly. I put on some anti itch lotion. A temporary fix. I go to swim team. Nobody swims in the same lane as me even though the other lanes are crowded. Seriously guys, poison ivy can't spread if the skin has been washed as mine has. The mom's are all nice though. They help me find information about black-spot poison ivy. I think I have it. I get some meds at the store and treat myself at home. The internet says black-spot is kind of rare. So I'm sitting here hoping it's not worse, doesn't get worse, and that, for once, JUST ONCE, can this please be the moment where it doesn't get worse?
   So, there's my summer. If you think things are going really bad for you, if you think being bored over the summer is the worst thing ever, you should be happy cause things could get worse.