Addictions

Addictions. They come in a lot of different forms, but some are more harmful than others. Some are addicted to drugs, facebook, watching tv, or inflicting pain on themselves. I guess what they all have in common is that these addictions are mostly hurtful to the slave of them. Although, you cannot ignore the people around them that are also being affected. I guess one could argue that some addictions are good things, but, what makes them unhealthy idols, is that they become more important than honoring God.
I once was told that if you are addicted to something, it becomes your master. It replaces God. You can't be a slave to both your addiction and to him, so who are you going to choose? Most of the time, we humans want to live in the now. We act on how we feel now. Our emotions control us even when our brains say "NO! You must stop this addiction!" Thus, we choose the idol over God.
Addictions are not that easy to stop though. Sometimes we think, "Oh, God will forgive me so let me sin for a little while and I will stop eventually. Just let me get my fix for now." HAH. as if.
First, no it's not just going to be simple to stop. I struggle with my own personal addictions. I knew it was wrong, but didn't see it as an addiction until I compared myself to a friend who was addicted to something that seemed far more serious. At that point I realized that it is indeed an addiction. I also realized that if I was just told to stop it'd be really difficult.
Secondly, Romans 7:15-20 basically states that you, as a christian, hate your addiction, but your human body is still a slave to sin. This doesn't mean you can get comfortable, though. Romans chapter 6 talks about why we should not let sin (insert addiction here) take over our lives. If Christ has paid your debts, then through him, you receive his righteousness. Not so that you can "safely sin", but so that you can DEFEAT IT!
I would ask you now, look at your own personal addictions and consider how Christ could expel it from you. Even if you are not a christian, consider the fact that the one and only God is the one and only way to release yourself from addictions/idols/sins.

Ah. I had to get this off my mind since it's been bugging me pretty much the whole weekend. It is time for me to go to school now, but somehow I feel a little bit stronger for having made the connections between God's word and my life situations. Ciao!

On The First Day Of Autumn (Part 2)

"Hey." I say shyly. I hold his gaze another moment and then look away. He looks away too and then back at me. I'm still wondering what prompted this painting so I continue. "Nice painting!" Of course, my voice comes out super squeeky this time.

"Thanks," he says and hesitates before stumbling over an explanation the picture, "It isn't wh-what you think, I was in the park searching for... a scene to enter into this contest." He's stumbling over words. I'm not totally convinced that that is his only reason for painting this picture, or for being in the park that afternoon. I am not going to make a big deal out of it, though.

"Yeah, I figured as much." I reply nonchalantly. We both stand there awkwardly for another minute. He starts looking around and I can tell he is slightly confused at the frozen world. We're the only two people moving at all even though everyone else is alive. So I suppose I'll explain it to him. "It's called a wish come true in case you were wondering."

"So you wished that everyone.. no, everyTHING besides us would be frozen?" he pauses "Then why me?"

"I didn't exactly plan it this way, it just happened. I dunno, like it was supposed to or something." I can tell he doesn't totally believe me, but I don't blame him since I did leave out the little part of purposely not picking someone else even though I could have. "Want to come explore this exciting world with me?" I say it half doubting that he would come, but also hoping that whatever made him paint that picture would encourage him to keep me company this autumn day. He glances up at the picture again.

"I suppose there's not much else to do all by yourself in a frozen world. Yes, I'll keep you company." Either he's really being sarcastic or he's being super serious. I try not to glare at him for being so difficult. I'm pretty sure he noticed though. Oops. Oh well. We leave the gallery, returning to the contrasting, bright outdoors. A woman is frozen in place obviously in the middle of her morning run. A business man is stepping into to his black-tinted-windows, black-painted lexus.

"I bet he's a secret spy for Russia" my friend suggests. If only he knew what that would prompt in my mind.

"Let's find out!" I skip over to the frozen man, but slow down as I get closer. MAN is he FREAKY looking up close. The 'secret agent', (as I will mention him as from here on out), has a black goatee and a short black buzz-cut head. I reach toward his inside pocket for his ID card.

My companion isn't convinced this is the best idea ever. "This is totally safe," he says sarcastically, but he doesn't stop me. In fact, he just pulls closer to me. I guess that's in case he has to protect me from the secret agent in case I somehow mess things up and this guy wakes from his frozen state. I have a card in my hand now, so I look at it. It seems like normal for the most part, but then I see another secret pocket in his coat. I sure hope curiosity doesn't kill this girl.

There's another ID in it. Says something in another language which I can't read. My companion, who is very close now, looks over my shoulder. "No. Way."

"What?" I ask. He starts laughing but at the same time starts pulling me away. I go with it.

"Kedi Soyluyor. That's his real name apparently. Seems to be an ID for a Turkish secret agent. Who knew?" Only one thing scared me now, his other card, the american ID, was for the US government. Of course this is the moment where my companion asks me, "What did the other card say on it?"

"Nothing." I reply as I stand under a young tree rocking back and forth. This seems to make him more curious so I continue, "Just a US Government ID that said John Smith." I got the desired reaction. Score! We decide to keep on exploring and leave dealing with a possible security risk to the country for a later time. 

"Okay," I ask him, "I've already done a little exploring so, if you could go anywhere in the world you wanted right at this moment, where would you go? Within reason of course."

He thinks for a moment, then shakes his head while murmuring, "She probably has not changed since last time I saw her. No point in that..."

to be continued

On The First Day Of Autumn.

I wish the world would just pause for one day. I'll be the only one still walking around. Maybe one other person if they somehow can convince me through their actions and speech that they're fit for good conversation and fellowship. I'll start at my computer but soon I depart on a journey. Let's say this person is not with me yet.

So, I go down my street. I see a man frozen in place just getting out of his car. He doesn't seem right to be my companion on my journey, so I hop into my car. As I get onto the nearby highway, I weave in and out of traffic, also frozen in place. I see a girl that I know a little bit, but I recall that her language is occasionally foul. I keep on going.

It's really a nice day. The clouds are frozen in place, but not in the way of the frozen sun which still warms my car on this cool autumn day. The highway comes along to a bustling city, frozen in its tracks. I get out of my car and start walking down a street lined with shops until one catches my attention. Inside of it is the most beautiful paintings on extremely dingy walls. It might be an art gallery I suppose. A sign is posted up that says: 'State-wide art contest winners'.I walk along this art gallery inspecting each picture as I glide past frozen people, but then an idea hits me. Instead of just studying the paintings, I look at the peoples faces around them.

One lady, maybe in her early thirties, is standing in front of a painting, wrinkles etched on her face as if she was twice her calendar age, but her face holds a slight smile. I turn and look at the painting she sees. It is of another woman, about the same age, holding an infant child who seems to be bubbly and healthy. Although the picture lady is about the same age as the real lady, not a bit of worry can be seen etched into the picture woman's face.  The worry lines and no child... the healthy skin with a healthy child... is there some connection? Might this hold the reason why the real woman seems so sad while she smiles ever so lightly?

I leave her there and continue on. I pass a frozen man staring at a picture of a family having a picnic on a bright day such as today. I cannot stand there much longer because the tear frozen on his cheek seems too complicated for me to understand. In this society, men usually do not cry, and ESPECIALLY not in public.

A child stands next to a mother holding hands. The woman is at eye level with her child pointing at the details of the picture. I glance up from them and see a familiar face. A close friend, whose conversation and presence is always a pleasurable experience, stands there, arms folded, with a very thoughtful look upon his face.

I can only wonder what he thinks, so I place myself next to him such that I can see what he is seeing. By first glance I just notice it's a portrait because my eyes immediately dart to the signature of the artist. "Wait." It sounds a bit awkward talking aloud to myself and I realize how silent everything is. not deadly silent, but I only hear noises as I choose to. "This painting... this young man.. he's the artist."

At this point I get very curious as to which piece of his artwork had won a place in the art gallery. I'm confused, amazed, shocked... The painting is titled 'A walk through the park' and shows a girl walking away down a bright leafy path with sunshine around, in a just-past-summer dress, her head turned around such that one can see the face. I look closer so as not to deceive myself, but it's still seems as if I am looking into a mirror. The details are so perfect it seems as if hours had been spent working on this project.

Memories flood back into my head. Last autumn we had passed by each other in a park and shared a few laughs. I hadn't seen him for the past year and this made me want to know even more how he was doing. What about that moment had stuck so well for him? He must have painted it straight from memory.

It's worth a shot I'm thinking. So I look into his eyes to see if I can read his thoughts. No, even here that does not work, but something in me decides that there is only one way to pull that person out of the frozen state and into my journey. I'm running out the door, across the street, and into a restaurant where I grab a pitcher of ice cold water. I trip over a foot and spill everything. Quickly I am up again and grab a new pitcher. Carefully, I bring it back, managing to avoid outstretched arms and legs. Back in the gallery I splash it over his head. He seems to wake with a start, his body starting to move as the droplets bead up and drip out of his almost-blond hair.

Ugh. Why do I never think ahead of my actions? Now we're standing here staring into each other's eyes both shocked and slightly embarrassed.......

TO BE CONTINUED??

Can It Get Worse?

   My summer. I never would have guessed it would be so.. well different. I've gotta say it all started back in March over spring break.. No, let's go back a little farther. Winter of 2010 I became friends with my brother's girlfriend, Courtney. Great idea right? My brother doesn't think so. He was not really comitted to her so eventually they break up. Even then I am still friends with her. At this point, I'm not going to let my brother's bad relationships ruin a good friendship for me. So, the aforementioned girl and I get a job at the same place. Anyways, back to spring break. A week before our job starts, she and I decide to go on a road trip to Florida for spring break. Yet another splendid idea on our parts! Well it seems like a good idea at least. So we plan this trip.
   Meanwhile, I manage to get a tick bite on the back of my leg. I don't think too much of it and decide to keep an eye on the spot. Here I am thinking that things can't really get worse. You know, only so much can happen to one person in a summer right? Riiiight. Well the Saturday early morning comes and we drive down to Florida just as planned. We easily survive the twelve hour drive. First we stay with her family. They live about a ten minute drive from the ocean. Nice people, nice place, nice beach... you get it, it appears to be a fantastic vacation!
   No, things have to get worse. The second day that we went to the beach, Monday, I decide that I want a tan. Normally, in Maryland, I tan easily without a hitch. So I do something really stupid. I decide that I am going to get my tan by not wearing sunscreen for a little while, forgetting that Florida is MUCH closer to the equator; therefor, much easier to roast a northern child such as I. At first I do not realize that I am being burnt, so I continue to enjoy my time frolicking in the waves and collecting seashells with holes in them to make necklaces for my sisters. I have a wonderful time, let me tell you, BUT soon I come to realize that my back feels ever so slightly warm. A little too warm. I walk over to my friend, and she gasps! "LYDIA! What in the world did you do to your back?? You're as red as a lobster!" Immediately I grab the sunscreen and have her apply it to my back.
   The next day I am extremely uncomfortable. Actually, it lasts more than just that day. Despite the lobster burn on my back and front and.. okay pretty much everywhere that was exposed, we continue on to our next stop, Jordan's house. She has a pool so I get this great idea to jump in it since it was a chilly pool and I was burning up. It is only a temporary fix though. On a side note, I have to mention that Jordan said the water was heating up around me in her pool! Anyways, I use a ton of aloe all over my back, but still my skin is hot to the touch.
   That night I can barely sleep. I can't toss or turn over. There is only one position that I manage to fall asleep in without causing more pain to my burn. Here I am thinking Okay, things are pretty bad. Like first that tick bite and now this. The bite doesn't really bother me much anymore since the burn is worse and crowds my mind more. So now I have this really bad sunburn. Things can't really get much worse.. can they??
   After spending time with Jordan, we continue on to Tampa Bay to visit my Aunt, Uncle, and my cousin Vince. Our plans are to leave there Thursday or so after spending time with them. Well, I'm still suffering from my sunburn. Uncle Ralph is a navy medic or something like that so he's got this amazing sunburn relief kit. It works pretty well and I feel like I just might make it through the week alive afterall.. but plans have a way of changing.
   We decide to stay an extra day so that we can visit the Fort Desota beach and get to see my other cousins. Aunt Val told me these great stories about when she used to go looking for sanddollars at this particular beach. So a couple of us go searching all the sand banks.. to no avail. We walk the whole two miles up the beach. It really is fun, but we all start to wander at our own paces.
   So here I am, about 40 feet ahead of two of the cousins, on the way back to where my aunt has set up her chair. I'm still subconsciously looking for sanddollars cause I really really want to find at least one. I find a piece but that's it because soon after I take a wrong step. "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream as something gets hold of my big toe. At first I think it's a crab. At this point the sunburn is COMPLETELY gone to me. The pain in my toe overwhelms me so much that all I can do is limp for a minute and then sit down and whimper as I realize that my toe is bleeding, my aunt is up the beach AT LEAST a mile down, the other beach house is at least a quarter mile, and I have no clue what even got me.
   The two cousins nearby rush to me. One runs down the beach to tell my aunt. It seems to take forever. I think.. well try to think. Usually when you get a cut you raise your injury above the heart and apply pressure such that it stops bleeding. I do this. It seems to work but I am still in pain. It throbs. The rest of my leg starts to feel sore. I find out why later. Eventually, I decide to try to make it up to the beach house. The other cousin carries me piggy back style until I tell her to let me just limp for a little while and give her a break.
   Soon my aunt comes and I limp back to the beach house with her. It seems to take forever. A passerby comments that it may be a piece of glass, in which case I would have to reopen the injury to remove said glass pieces. Not cool. I really don't need that right now. By the time I get to the beach house I'm sorta freaking out. The girl inside calls the local rangers for me. She tells me that they said if it is a stingray then steaming hot water will work. I'm ready to try anything. The second I put my foot into that steaming bucket, the pain subsides and I am almost certain that it was a stingray which must have met me that afternoon in the water.
   Although I am relaxed finally, I am still anxious for the rangers to come and give a definite answer to what it was and how to continue to treat the injury. The blood flow from the toe has slowed down. The rangers get there. I double take.. THEY AREN'T OLD GUYS?? I guess it wasn't too bad an experience since the rangers stay and talk with me awhile. One is definitely Australian. The other guy is ripped. They tell me that if conditions get worse then I am to immediately go to a hospital to get any stingray barbs removed. I am slightly scared. Then Aunt Val comes back with the car and everything else she had left at the other end of the beach. The ripped guy carries me to the car... I had to grin when I saw Courtney's face. She's kinda like super attracted to any cute/hot guy.
   As before, the tick bite and sunburn no longer consume my mind. Now it is all about the injury from the stingray. Thankfully, it seems to have only been a baby stingray, and the water was cool which caused it to be slow; thus, the injury is not as bad as it could be. So I do get back home in time for training at my new job afterall.
   Now, fast forward about 3 months. I'm busy between my job and swim team and soccer games. The place where the stingray got me still feels lightly numb.  First I stub my same toe at a swim meet right before my race. I'm reminded of the pain. The next day, Sunday, I get together with about fifteen other people for a pick-up soccer game. It's going great! My team is winning pretty well. At some point we stop counting scores. I get close to the goal but have a deffender on me so I pass to my sister, Robin. Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, I twist my right ankle badly. We all take a water break. I decide I still want to play, but only as defense. Eventually, I can put a little more pressure on my foot so I play up again. This time I trip over another player and roll over. Somehow I manage to injure my left ankle. It hurts a little but I have to stop playing since both ankles being injured is harder to deal with than just one injured.
   Some people leave. Matt from church shows up so we start World Cup. I sorta sit out. As in I play but only from a sitting position. Don't ask, it's hard to explain stupidity. The World Cup game ends but I sit in the goal area anyways to see if I can block goals at least with my arms. I get hit in the head a couple of times while not looking. My ankles temporarily feel better. Now, I've gone through all of that, things can't get worse.. can they??
   I dive for one ball but I miss. Someone else has good aim though. My leg flies into the air to keep balance as I lean over. Bad move. A ball flies from the shooting area and right into my right ankle! I curl up in pain. One of my friends piggy backs me to my car. I have a stick shift car so I trade cars with Courtney for an automatic. Not so bad on my ankle.
   I'm limping for the next 12 hours, but the next day I decide that I am good enough to go berry picking with my friend. Like things can't get worse once you've recovered from a stingray and you've sprained both ankles.. right??
Sometimes I wonder how so much can happen to one person...
   My ankles only slightly bother me as a pick raspberries with my friend Ashley. I mention my allergies to poison ivy. She mentions that she's never had it in her life. We both realize that we have no clue what it looks like, so we continue to pick berries. We clean off after two hours of picking berries. Both of us have scratches all over our limbs. Her arms seemed to have gotten the worst of it. By now, you can probably guess how wrong I am.
   Evening comes and I notice the scratches are still there. Still red. What is this?? I see a black-ish spot in the middle of one particularly larger bumpier red spot. It's not exactly itchy.. yet. Suddenly my ankles don't feel so bad, because it's the next morning and my legs are itching badly. I put on some anti itch lotion. A temporary fix. I go to swim team. Nobody swims in the same lane as me even though the other lanes are crowded. Seriously guys, poison ivy can't spread if the skin has been washed as mine has. The mom's are all nice though. They help me find information about black-spot poison ivy. I think I have it. I get some meds at the store and treat myself at home. The internet says black-spot is kind of rare. So I'm sitting here hoping it's not worse, doesn't get worse, and that, for once, JUST ONCE, can this please be the moment where it doesn't get worse?
   So, there's my summer. If you think things are going really bad for you, if you think being bored over the summer is the worst thing ever, you should be happy cause things could get worse.

A random rant because I can.

So basically sometimes I get annoyed with certain people when they misjudge my character. One of the ones that hurts the worst is the case of "you're just like your brothers..etc" or "you've lost your morals". First of all, every single individual is DIFFERENT. Sure I have my flaws, but chances are they aren't the same as my brother's. After all, he's already made the mistakes so I already know they're mistakes. Therefor, I learn from his mistakes without being forced to repeat them myself. Secondly, how can you say I have lost my morals completely based on the fact that I hung out with someone who didn't make the best impression on my father? Just cause we hangout occasionally doesn't mean that I'm gonna let him influence me in a negative way. It certainly does not mean I am going to MARRY the guy. What is the BIG deal? Are you going to condemn me for befriending a person or being polite to them? Why do people have to jump to conclusions and assume that I even enjoy the company of said person. Sometimes I'm just trying to be polite... w.e. I'm burnt out for now. may write later if I am spurred on by another intense need for a rant. Adios.

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate. (or strongly dislike)

Why? Cause I often forget to think before I speak. I forget that God gave me two ears and only one mouth. I say things that I wish had been left unsaid.

*yawn* blogs are boring.

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most crazy things with.

Right now I'd have to say it has been Amber mostly. That is, when I actually do let someone else in on my own craziness. I think I prefer to be crazy by myself.

9/30

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.... so I wouldn't say it's one particular person. more like a bunch of people so no picture. Haha this thing should have questions relative to my life. :P whoa it's late! I took a couple naps while babysitting so I lost track of time. BYE!!

What makes you laugh? (8/30)

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

My nephew. He's always been a fast learner. This was him the day I got my license. I think he was about 2.

As the days melt together...

Life rushes by. I go along with it, but then there's the occasional something that reminds me to slow down. I realize I've been rushing through and not taking my time to read my Bible or enjoy the good things God has given me. For day 7 I am supposed to have a picture of my most treasured item. Truth is, things on earth are temporary. As is stated in Isaiah 40:8 "The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever." Even though this book itself might feel the wear of the world, the contents are really what I treasure; God's holy word.

I've had this since I was 6. :O

heheh I skipped a few days so I am just going to start where I left off.

Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Lately I have not really been doing too much. So I am going to do a picture from my day instead of my night.

4/30 I'm gonna shoot you with my camera, a camera not a gun.. haha

I need to catch up a little so now I am going to do Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.

This one is really hard for me. I'm looking through albums and albums of favorite memories right now. Fun stuff on the road trip in '09.. Camp from '10 and '09.. Christian youth rallies.. Big family gatherings.. I see one main theme through them all; family and friends. So I finally decided to go with my clan at camp for the week I was counseling 5-6th graders in 2010. We were the smallest clan, lost in the end, but were probably the tightest friends by the end of the week. I really enjoyed counseling with these people and getting to know all 7 campers in our clan. (As I said, we were stuck with half the size or less of any other clan) So this picture sums up our clan. I had an an amazing time even though I had lost my voice by the first 2 hours of camp. Basically, we painted all over each other, made a crazy looking flag, rocked out almost every single game, and became great friends. 

5/30 This is our clan working on the clan flag.

Okay, last one so that I am caught up to today. Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day. Another hard one.. You know what, I'm satisfied with where God has placed me. I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone. So....

6/30 Staying right here. Not trading places with anyone.

Yay! I'm up to date now. Ciao!

Happpppppyyyyyyyy!! (3/30)

  So I'm really happy and excited cause I thought I had lost my favorite necklace (like really important to me) somewhere on the big ol campus but my sister just found it in the laundry!! *gasps for a breath* heheh. Anyways, besides that I have also noticed a general increase in my happiness as of late. I think it is due to a couple factors, but the most obvious to me was the weather last week. It. was. GORGEOUS! At least for a couple days.
  Today is day 3 out of my 30 day challenge and the category is.. *drumroll*patapatapatapat!*...  A picture of the cast from your favorite show! For me that has to be Doctor Who. Yes, I watch British sci-fi!! The cast changes frequently so I am going to try and find a picture with my favorite cast all time instead of the current.

Okay, so this is pretty much my favorite characters. :D I'm happy I could actually find this picture since it has all of them.

2/30

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for awhile.
I had to think about this for a couple seconds, but I have come to the conclusion that my sisters have always been the ones I have shared my dreams with (literally and figuratively :D). When we were younger the three of us usually played together. Sure we had our fights. Sometimes two of us would get mad at the other one. It didn't always end up nicely. Let's just say we all had really hot tempers. As we grew older and experienced new things together, we started to confide more in each other. I think one major role in this was our schooling. When I was in private school, I had different experiences. Things seemed to go (mostly) uphill from the time when I was taken out of private school on. I think growing up so close to them (sharing rooms, playing etc.) has made my two younger sisters the two people I have been close to the longest. I would add my cousin in there too, though, cause even though it took awhile to get over our differences, she became one of my other closest peoples on the whole planet.

Okay, so I had to find a picture with my two younger sisters AND my cousin AND me so I'll just label it. :D
left to right: Sister, niece, friend, me, cousin <3, other sister.
And yes this picture is from last year cause I don't see my cousin enough.

30 day challenge

I got bored of my blog so I decided to do the 30 day challenge with pictures. I figure it will at least give me some reason to post every day. Then if I really want to write about something else that is on my mind, I'll just put em together! So.. day 1/30- A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

1. Soccer is my favorite sport.
2. I love parks, like biking or walking around there as long as I have someone with me.
3. I have multiple best friends, but I choose them carefully.
4. I procrastinate big time.
5. I am the 7th child in my family.
6. I LOVE camping.
7. Normal is not part of my vocabulary.
8. Running at night is thrilling!
9. I'm good with children. Like babysitting can actually be fun.
10. ??? muahaha ???
11. I used to do gymnastics. loved tumbling/flips but not bars or beam.
12. I'd rather spend quality time with people doing good old fashion stuff, such as leap frog in the road or talking by the water or biking down the trail until we're too tired to care etc, than go out somewhere i.e. amusement park, restaurant etc.
13. P.O.S.
14. I've lived in the same house my whole life.
15. I do not shop on Sundays. Ever.

I am so random

eh this barely even has anything to do with randomness except that it is random. I feel like I got a rose. You probably think I am crazy. How do you feel like you got a thing?? Well I'll try and explain. What I mean is there is something that is precious but every time I get close to it I get pricked or stabbed by the sharp realities. I feel like I am dying on the inside. But the problem is sometimes I just want to totally get rid the metaphorical rose, pretending like it is the most ugly, shriveled, colorless thing, and other times I can bare the pricks and pretend like they don't exist in order to keep that thing which seems to have some value in keeping. I don't blame you if you do not understand any of this, but after all, I originally did just create this for me. myself, and I. Thus, I would be surprised if anyone besides me myself and I could understand this mumblejumble.

Spacing out..

Do you ever have those moments when you know something important could be said at any given moment and you start spacing out? This happens to me ALL the time. Like today, I was sitting in lab and I totally spaced out while the professor was explaining what to do. Or that time last year when I was having a serious conversation with a friend and I could not remember half of what the friend said because my mind was going crazy with my own thoughts. In times, like these that I have mentioned, I eventually regret not trying to listen. Now there are other times when spacing out isn't so bad. Like when two other people are arguing and I just lose myself in my own thoughts to get away from theirs. Or when I am alone and there are no words to miss. Are other people like me in this way? I have no clue.. well maybe my sisters! Please don't hate me Robin. Yes, I figure you are going to read this although your twin might not. Well if you are reading this, actually just leave me a comment to dispel my fears of being the only one who spaces out at the wrong moments. Yeah, that would be great, thanks! Goodbye!

Day... uhm I mean night.

Day ??. Coloring!

Frequently I will have these nights when I should sleep, but I cannot. There are many ways to combat this kind of sleep deprivation. Tonight I decided to color... and color.. and color, but to no avail. At last I finished coloring in the poster that I have been working to finish over the last two years. See, I originally wanted to go outside, but nobody wanted to come with me so that is why I resorted to coloring. Now I am awake. I have a Biology lab early tomorrow, and there is no way I am going to want to get up for it. Too bad I will have to anyways. Random fact about me: Music rarely helps me get to sleep, but I can fall mostly asleep during almost any movie. Ciao!

Day 19.

Listening to crazy love... Something about this song makes me like it. So for the most part school was good today. Between and after classes I noticed how quiet and vacated it was outdoors. Besides a person every now and then it seemed kinda deserted. Since it is only my second semester, I am used to seeing lots of people outside chatting or tossing a football. But on the other hand, the stillness lets you enjoy the small things..

patches of snow..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

furry little animals.. (he's hiding!)

 

Day 18.

So I got a little confused as to which post I was on. I am glad to say that I have figured this out and am back to the right day. ^_^ Anyways, since my big brother most likely is not going to see this, I can write about how much I am annoyed by him. Yay. So he acts all jealous all the time and keeps breaking up with his gf cause he thinks she's cheating or something. But like when she is finally saying she is done with him then he just wants to see her phone and like finally have some kind of evidence against her even though he has seen it before. Anyways, what do I think about this? This is one of the things I have against romantic relationships between young people. There's too much drama, not enough trust. People think they like each other or something and it just ends up in more brokenness and divorce. Idk.. it really is depressing. Then that makes me think too, how many people go into a relationship thinking "Is this the person I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with?"? I wish I had the actual statistics here to prove this, but in my stat class the teacher mentioned how about 50% of all marriages end up in divorce. Now THAT is pathetic. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AMERICA??? Before I go into all the reasons why I am annoyed with this country I think I will just stop here and go to bed. Ciao!

Day 16? I forget.

So I started this post yesterday, but when I sat down I just couldn't think of anything to write. It was one of those blank days. Anyways idk what to write cause nothing is really going through my head atm.. besides that play about a murder which I have to write an essay about for english.. um so idk what to post. sorry >.<

random short post

ugh okay so what is on my mind at this late hour is how certain things happen and then you think its gonna get better, and just when you think it really is all better you realize you pretty much lost a friend and you didn't go looking for that friend before it was too late but now it is too late and said friend is gone from your life and it hurtss. You survive, you know it is just passing, but right at the moment you can think of everything that isn't right...

Day 14.

  So something about me.. a random fact.. I like cooking! We had a potluck dinner at church again and this time I decided I would take over our family's cooking while my mom volunteered at an old peoples home and while my dad fixed a computer for a lady who occasionally visits our church.
  Another random fact about me.. I am a secret agent.... PSYCH!! Although that would be absolutely amazing, I am really only a ninja.. Watch.......... Did you see that? No, you didn't cause I am ninja like that. Now you are secretly thinking in your head either A. Something is wrong with that girl, or B. WHOA!! HOW IN THE WORLD DID SHE JUST DO THAT????.
  Okay enough randomness. I am going to try going to bed before 10pm each night this week and see how it affects me throughout each day. Because of certain knowledge I have obtained, I believe it will affect me positively. Adios!

P.S. no picture :O

Day 13.

Okay so I don't really feel like saying a whole lot. umm randomness.. I am hyper atm. idk why. Maybe it was that icecream. Not sure though. :D I suppose I'll just post these pictures and leave you to wonder why.. Ciao!!

Day 11 and 12.

What do you spend your time doing? I find myself cramming in last minute homework or trying to get out the door on time, but why? There are twenty-four hours in a day. If I sleep for 8 of them, and go to classes for 5 of them, what happened to the other 11 hours of the day? Likely there is some way I can manage my time so that I do not feel rushed. I have this nagging suspicion that I waste too many hours literally doing nothing. I tried staying off Facebook, and although it does effectively reduce the amount of wasted time, staying off does not last very long for me. I suppose one way I could combat this problem is by stopping myself when I'm wasting time, figure out something I could do, then do it immediately. On that note, I am going to end this. I may or may not add a picture or two to this post later. Just depends on if the inspiration hits me. At any rate I'll have at least posted this so it won't exactly be missing a day again. Bye!!

Day 9 and 10.

Day 9. Track meet. borrrrring.

Snow!!

Day 10.

Oops!! I forgot to post yesterday. So today I guess I am doing a double duty sort of thing. Okayy... so for all you lame people who are actually reading this :p I added a place to rate my boring posts!! Or not boring? You tell me... ugg gotta go eat, brb...  Back! (half an hour later) Is it just me or did my house just get ten degrees colder? Speaking of coldness, it's snowing! Which means I get to snowboard.. After I change to snow pants.. After my workout.. which is after I finish this.. :D. urmm what else am I thinking of today.. Ah yes, my friend is trying to get me to join her Futsal team. I'm not sure though, I already have the opportunity to play soccer 2-4 times a week so why would I pay $50 to play a sport that is similar?  It is going to take some convincing if they really want me on the team. Another dilemma on my hands is what to do for my sisters' 16th birthday. I haven't decided what I should get them or if I should throw them a party or something like that. So I have five more days to figure that out. Since this is supposed to be about my thoughts.. sorta hahah.. oh never mind, that thought can be written down somewhere else. : ] (reason why? cause my annoying little brother keeps looking over my shoulder.) It seems I have had an A.D.D. sort of post. Too bad. Adios!

Day 8.

Soccer. I want to play it. Why can't I? 

Day 8. This isn't like creepy is it? O_o

Because my team cancelled practice today without telling me until I was already halfway there. So I would like to pose a question. If you are almost the worst team in the whole league, and the only time you ever won was by default, then why do you skip practice? How do you plan on getting better if you don't work at it as a team? I have come to the conclusion that, until all members of the team can show up for practice, we will continue to lose. That's all, Ciao!! :)

Day 7.

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" is a quote from one of my favorite movies, the Princess Bride. This has absolutely nothing to do with the pictures but now that the subject of the pictures is brought up, I might as well explain a little. 1.) Best card game in the world. Dutch Blitz. DON'T ARGUE. I mean it. I'm watching you. O_O ....jk..... jk..... o_o.......... 2.) I'm the seventh child in my family, I am of the female gender, I don't like green (jk!), and seven is my favorite number. (and trees hate you.)
À bientôt!

Day 6.

Who I am hates who I've been. You might have heard these words before in a song by Relient K with that title. To me this phrase is talking about my growth as a child of God. Year after year I look over who I have been, what were my goals, and often I see things I am not proud of. Who I have been is not such the best thing, but still I take comfort in the fact that I am not all the way grown yet. Just as a child grows physically, God's children grow spiritually as well. I think God teaches me something in each of my failures, so I am constantly learning what he wants me to be. Obviously he has a plan; he's making me who I am and who I am going to be. But who does he want me to be? Well, as the Bible states, God wants me to mirror Christ (Himself! Isn't it amazing how there can be 3 beings in one?). So as I grow spiritually, I pray that I do hate who I was and instead become who God wants me to be. So that's sorta my thoughts today. :) Also, instead of a picture I got a link for some music!

Day 5.

My thoughts today have to do with dealing with lazy and/or unmotivated children (coughmybrothercoughcough). I like to call them the ones whose major/goal in life is to be a couch potato. He does not want to listen to you because he hates doing things that make him work. If it is not play, then he refuses to do it. I have learned through experience that this type of child continues to behave worse and worse UNLESS the child's way of thinking changes, or if someone of authority steps in. No, not just someone with authority, but someone whose authority is acknowledged by the child. Now if the parents are too easy on the child, much is not expected of him and therefore he will continue in his path of laziness. He will continue to believe that he cannot do anything work related because A. it has little to no reward, or B. it is too difficult for him.

Now here is the sad part, I only know all this and its effects so well because I used to be a lazy, unmotivated child. Although my laziness tended more towards reading instead of video games, it still was not right to ignore my responsibilities. So my question is do you let someone close to you continue to waste his time playing around, or do you keep on pressing the matter until he changes, even if it makes him hate you the whole way through?

Day 4.

If only sleeping on it did anything besides giving you neck pains..

At certain points of the day it seemed as if I had so much going through my mind and then I sit down to write and I go blank. I have decided that today is just one of those days when I am just so tired that the thoughts go in one ear and out the other. Now, if you have ever tried studying while you are tired and just out of it, then you might understand exactly how I felt today. This morning I didn't have classes so I figured it could be a study day. Only problem is last night I didn't go to bed exactly early, (yeah, typical teenager I suppose), and this morning I had a babysitting job real early. Basically, I was just downright tired before the day had barely begun. After the job, I realized my math homework was due tomorrow and I still needed to purchase my access code for the online thing. So obviously I couldn't start my homework just yet. Got the code after a long wait in line but only got home just in time to take the twins to another track practice. Finally, after dropping them off, I got a chance to study at the library... where I fell asleep! (Oops!) Remembering where I was, I woke myself up every now and then, and read more of my LBH to make sure I wasn't getting weird looks for being well... idk is that normal or strange to fall asleep at a library? Anyways, it wasn't even that restful, cause as soon as I got home I was hungry and tired. Like really hungry. After dinner I attempted my Math hw. I was still too tired even to get past the second problem. So I fell asleep with my book in my hands, (very uncomfortable on a narrow wooden bench), and with a borrowed laptop on the table next to me for when I woke up. Oh how I wish you could just sleep on those books and dream the information or somehow be rested while learning. *sigh* I suppose that is sorta the inspiration for what I finally decided for today's picture. Sorry for making this so long. Maybe I'll be too tired to write this much tomorrow. xD Bonsoir mes amis! 
p.s. haven't taken french in awhile, hope I'm still remembering correctly. lol

Day 3.

Day 3. DINNER!!!!

So today was the first day back to school. As usual nothing much was really done in class except introductions and rules. After my classes were over, I nicely found out I had been ditched by my wonderful brother, Russ. Meanwhile, my mom sends me a text saying I have to bring my sisters to track practice. By the time I got home they were already supposed to be at practice. So I got rid of my brother and took the girls out. Now, since their practice is only an hour long, I am sitting at the library right by their school. Lesson learned? Yes, always check your phone for text messages BEFORE you start playing soccer. Especially when you know it is your last class which has already been dismissed but you are just playing for fun, AND your big brother might get out of his last class early and not want to wait around for you. Basically COMMUNICATE. hmm I gotta put up the picture when I get home... ah home now. It is an hour later too. Now for what all this has to do with my picture. Due to being busy with all that stuff, I barely had any breakfast or lunch, I did not get a chance to eat when I picked up the twins; consequently, I am STARVING. All I could think about for the last 3 hours is FOOD. So there ya have it. I'm waiting for dinner. Adieu!

Day 1 and 2.

Day 1. Not just a necklace, each charm has meaning.

Day 2. New shoes!!

I meant to start this yesterday. The idea is this is a blog for me, myself, and I. If you have somehow managed to find this page, well actually I don't mind. I just hope it doesn't bore you to death. Anyways, back to what I am doing here. Every day of being back in school I am posting a new picture that represents whatever I am thinking about that day. Some pictures I might explain, some not. It really depends on my mood. Day 1 was sort of one of those days. Day 2 (today) on the other hand.. haha. My big brother got me new shoes!! It was really random but I like them! I did have other things on my mind, but I decided new shoes are more exciting than my new textbooks for school. Like really, sparkly shoes, or boring textbooks? Get my point? Yeah. Ummm I don't know what normal people do in their blogs, but I'm just being me and typing whatever I want. Ciao!